It’s weird though... I’m not really that bitter about it... I just try to think about it as part & parcel of my new ‘not-improved’ life. Even so... shock horror... I do still have feelings; and yes desires do still exist ~ sheesh I pretty much fall in love on a daily basis (Ok admittedly this might very well be on a superficial level – I’m kinda a boob man!) But frivolous remarks aside, I’d say I might need to ‘genuinely’ meet a bird before I can actually have ‘real’ feelings (genius huh?!), so why not try to meet a few under the pretence of a potential ‘love interest’ [and not at Goldfingers] – So that was that... I thought I’d give speed dating a crack!
Now on the grape vine I heard about a speed dating world
record attempt taking place, and foolishly I thought that might be fun - Mental
note: must make sure of the age guidelines before undertaking such a venture! Nevertheless
I’d get to meet 20 single women (for 5mins at a time) all looking for a
connection, much like I was. All I’d have to do is simply put myself out there (not
literally of course!) and hopefully I could budge this imaginary ‘disability’ barrier
in-between me and any intimate relations?! Really how hard could it be?? (Get your mind out of the gutter!!)
On the night Jason and I (yeah I went with Jason to make myself look a little more desirable J), we rocked up at the venue without the slightest idea of what would happen, how it all worked, or who we would meet. Unexpectedly my first impression wasn’t the best... not only was the room full of blokes, but everybody was pushin 50 (or beyond) ~ hmmm long night?! Look I probably should have walked away then & there... but I guess I’m just a sucker for punishment [so we hung around]. Next we ticked our names off, sat down, then thank goodness got moved to the ‘younger’ section – really I didn’t fancy dating my mum!
Despite my initial feelings, my first date was kinda lovely - see even laughed at a few of my jokes – this was all too easy!! I sat and chatted to her quite openly about my life, my motivations and aspirations; she told me of her lack of adventure and menopause... 'bzzzt'... date over - next please!! (Gees 5mins ain’t long at all!) Actually at the sound of that first buzzer I started to look upon the speed dating concept quite fondly – kinda like a human sushi train – don’t like what you see well the next one’s just around the corner.
And before long the next date was upon me ~
givin’ a little wink and adjusting her bust! Ok that might have been what I
imagined... only in fact, reality was rather different. An awkward red head who
seemed somewhat distressed was now seated before me – I told her ‘it’s ok I
usually have that effect on women’... I’m not sure why but she laughed?! Her
nerves aside, I continued on with a sincere smile and we began to exchange
stories like long lost friends. Of course only having 5mins, we could only discuss
a number of topics fleetingly, but as it tuned out this wasn’t entirely a bad
thing... bzzzt... saved by the bell!
So from date to date, my plight was becoming pretty apparent – the evening wasn’t just an anti-climax, it was a downright disaster!! The dates weren’t getting any better either; just older... more damaged!! (Yep I was in cougar town!!) And with conversations straight from Mrs Robinson’s handbook, things where becoming very gauche too - Retirement, divorce, kids and of course we can’t be forgetting ol’ mate Jesus... I was starting to wish someone would come and beat me with a club! (more fun!) Oh well only 5mins at a time, ‘toot toot sushi train’, then to the next saucy edition of Mills & Boon ~ Sheesh!!!
Don’t worry it gets worse... as the whole extravaganza was part of a world record attempt everyone had to have a minimum of 20 dates. And as there were far too many blokes – well you do the math?! So needless to say it I ended up having a few dates with blokes (far from ideal!), but to make matters even worse, it wasn’t just a chat; it was more like a love confessional. Stories of failed marriages, love interests, or even to wet dreams of sailing away with that perfect someone – Arrgh... nightmares!!
So I think it’s pretty safe to say that I didn’t meet that special someone ~ as for Jason I know he was hitting on a few of the guys for a bit of amusement ~ so who knows we might be hearing some big news pretty soon?! And if I ever go speed dating again... well... I’d not only have to be somewhat boozed, but I’d also go dressed as ‘ya mum’ or something - everyone just takes it way too seriously!! Really isn’t love meant to be a natural connection?!
That said and all... I just hope I make ‘a connection’ with anybody at this point in time – see said like a true ‘speed dating’ desperado huh?! J
Well,
Anything is possible... literally!!
